Peri Gets a Gun
by WizIsBored
Summary: Peridot learns to summon her gem weapon. Amethyst thinks it's great. Pearl is concerned.
1. Hologram trouble

"Nah, nah, Peri, you're too tense!" Amethyst insists, "you gotta loosen up!"

Peridot resists the temptation to snap at her friend and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting her shoulders drop. Lifting one hand to her gem, she wills something to materialise under her fingers. But, once again, nothing appears. She lowers her arm with a sigh.

"I think I saw a glow that time!" Steven exclaims excitedly.

"Don't lie, it's not working!" The green gem shouts back. "It's just something else I can't do! I might as well just go back so practicing with this."

She pulls the short dagger that Bismuth made her from the sheath attached to the back of the dungarees she had reformed with and flicks it into the air where it floats above her hand. It's nice, she appreciates the blacksmith making it, and it's a perfectly functional weapon, but it isn't really _hers._ Everyone else has their own gem weapon. Even Steven - the hybrid - has one! And yet, here she is with nothing.

* * *

Ignoring her friends insisting that she give it one more try, she walks down the stone steps to where Lapis and Connie are training under Pearl's supervision - Lapis has taken up sword fighting as a backup, in case a battle breaks out in a dry area.

"Hey, Pearl, can I get a hologram?"

"Of course," Pearl replies, deciding not to mention Peridot's failed weapon summoning attempts and generating a holo-pearl. Steven and Amethyst climb down from the stands to resume their own training as their green friend repeatedly throws her dagger at the hologram, her anger sending the small blade flying way off course. Pulling the dagger back to her hand, she runs back a few metres to dodge the hologram's sword.

"Stupid hologram, stupid dagger, stupid ferrokinesis!" she mutters as the weapon flies off course again, and again, and again, until a particularly aggressive swing of the sword catches it and sends it flying out of the arena like a bat hitting a ball.

"Ah," says Peridot as she watches it disappear into the foliage below, "that's not good."

She turns back to the still-advancing hologram.

"How- How do I turn this thing off?! PEARL?!"

She takes a few more steps back, only a few feet between her and the edge of the ruined arena.

"Um, nice hologram?"

Her attempts to make friends are ignored, however, and she's forced to duck to avoid another swing.

"PEARL CAN YOU TURN THIS THING OFF?!"

She tries to run past it, but it sends her tumbling back with a swift kick, landing barely an inch from the edge. Her friends are running over but they wouldn't get there in time. In an attempt to protect her life force, she curls up and covers her forehead with her hands, hoping that the hologram's blade will miss her gem, and the poofing won't send it over the edge of the arena.

But as her fingers brush the smooth surface, she feels something there. A bright light partly obscures her vision as she instinctively grips it and pulls. What comes out is something she's never handled before, but somehow feels like she's known her whole life. The hologram raises its weapon, and so does she.

A gunshot echoes around the ruins as the hologram freezes. A moment passes.

"Challenger wins! Do you wish to battle again?"

Pearl silently removes the inactive holo-pearl, revealing Peridot lying, frozen in shock, her weedy little arms holding out a black pistol.


	2. Target Practice

"PERI! PERI! PERI!"

Amethyst steps off the warp pad with Peridot on her shoulders, looking dazed but grinning. They're closely followed by Steven, Lapis and Connie, still chanting. Garnet watches, unfazed, from a stool in the kitchen as Pearl walks over looking shell shocked.

"Garnet," she says, gripping the leader's arms, "Peridot has a gun. I got everyone home before anyone was shot. I think it would be safer if we trained her in a controlled environment to prevent-"

"HEY!" Amethyst shouts from the doorway, Peridot still on her shoulders, "Let's go set up a shooting range on the beach!"

They disappear out of the door to whoops of agreement, and soon Pearl and Garnet are left alone in the house.

"...Oh my stars," Pearl mutters weakly.

* * *

"Come on Peri, let's see it!" Amethyst insists.

"You can do it!" Steven adds.

Connie backs off a few feet. "My parents say I should keep a safe distance from guns."

"Alright, target's up," Lapis says, landing beside her green friend, "I wanna see this thing."

Peridot takes a deep breath and reaches to her forehead. Once again a bright light momentarily obscures her vision and she feels her weapon beneath her fingers. She grips it, pulls, and gets her first proper look at it. Small, black, with a dark green grip and a yellow star emblazoned on each side. Having absolutely no knowledge of firearms, she could say nothing else about it.

"Pretty cool," Lapis comments.

"SHOOT SOMETHING!" Amethyst yells.

The group turn to look at the makeshift target on the side of the cliff: Steven's shield, suspended with Amethyst's whip from Lapis' training sword, which is embedded in a crack in the rock. Peridot raises the gun in both hands, closes one eye, and pulls the trigger. A bullet bounces weakly off the rock, hits the sand and disappears in a wink of light.

"That was close!" Steven says enthusiastically, "a little to the left."

Peridot adjusts her aim and fires again.

"A bit to the right!"

Once again she aims and fires. The bullet hits the shield just off the centre - and rickochets straight into Lapis' arm.

""HOLY SMOKES!" The blue gem yells, stumbling back a step and grimacing, "geez Peri, that thing packs a punch!"

"Are you okay?!" Peridot asks anxiously, her pistol disappearing in a glow of white light.

"I'm fine," the blue gem replies, covering the wound with her other hand and managing a smile, "this is nothing compared to my inner pain."

* * *

The group arrives back in the house only a tad less enthusiastically then how they exited.

"Hey guys," Bismuth greets them, looking up from the book she had been reading, "uh, Lapis, can't help but notice you've got a bit of a hole in your arm there."

Lapis shrugs in response. "It happens. Did you hear about Peri's-"

"Let me tell her!" Peridot cuts in. She runs up to the stool next to Bismuth and clambers up beside her, slamming her gun onto the counter with one hand.

"Look at this!"

"Is this- Did you summon your weapon?!"

Peridot nods, grinning.

"Wow, you really did it! Always knew you had it in you, Tiny!"

She wraps one arm around her little friend and aggressively ruffles her triangular hair. Peridot lets out a startled squeak, and a gunshot sounds from under her hand. Everyone stares wide eyed as the bullet winks out of existence, embedded in the wooden support beside the counter. Peridot hurriedly takes her hand off the pistol.

"Well, this is quite something," Bismuth remarks, picking it up.

"Be careful with that!" Connie advises as the blacksmith examines the firearm.

"Relax, this thing is Peridot-sized. I couldn't get my finger in there if I tried." She hands it back to its owner. "I guess you don't need that blade anymore, huh?"

"Yeah, but one of the holograms kinda hit it off the sky area," Peridot admits, "sorry."

"It's alright, Tiny, it was just a placeholder 'till you managed to get your own. I can take that sheath off your hands though."

The conversation is cut short by the warp pad activating, Pearl and Garnet materialising in a stream of light.

"Oh thank goodness," Pearl sighs, "you gave up that silly- oh my stars, Lapis, your arm!"

Once again, Lapis shrugs. "I got a piercing."

Pearl walks over, summoning a small roll of medical tape from her gem and grabbing Lapis by her intact left arm to pull her over to the sofa. The blue gem shoots her friends 'help me' looks as Pearl wraps her upper arm in tape, all the while ranting about irresponsible training.

"Honestly, what a stupid idea! You're lucky it wasn't Steven or Connie, not everyone is composed of hard light, you know! And what if someone's gem had been hit? Amethyst, I blame you for this, it was your idiotic idea!"

"That's fair," Amethyst shrugs.

"How did this even happen?!" Pearl continues, "I know that Peridot at least is smart enough not to shoot a gun at her friend! Garnet, I thought you said they'd be fine!"

"I expected that at least one of them would remember that the shield is reflective."

"I didn't think that included bullets!" Steven cut in, "Bullets don't usually reflect!"

"Bullets aren't usually hard light constructs," Garnet points out.

"Oh. Right."

"Light construct or not, they're still lethal!" Pearl interjects, seemingly eager to continue her lecture, not noticing Amethyst ushering Peridot, Steven and Connie towards the door and motioning for Lapis to follow.

"Okay, I think that's enough tape!" Lapis says with a hint of annoyance, standing up.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere in that condition!" Pearl announces, pulling her back down.

"What 'condition'?! I'm fine!"

"A hole through your arm is not fine! You're staying here! And as for the rest of you-"

She turns around to see nothing but empty space where the four smallest crystal gems had been, the door slightly ajar.

"Oh, not again!" she moans.

"Bloody clods left without me!" Lapis yells from behind her.


	3. Pinatas and Escape Plans

"Come on, hurry up! Lapis will catch up!" Amethyst shouts as the four friends run down the beach.

"Should we really be doing this?" Connie asks, "Pearl really is just concerned for our safety!"

"Yeah, and there's just going to be another lecture when we get back!" Steven adds.

"Oh, come on, let Peri have a bit of fun," Amethyst insists. "You know Pearl's just going to make it boring with all her 'safety precautions'."

"Yes, we'll conduct our own experiments without her first," Peridot continues, "it'll be much more enjoyable!"

"I guess…" Steven replies, thinking for a moment before continuing. Peridot's been trying so hard to summon her weapon. She should be able to enjoy it on her own terms, at least for a while.

"Alright, yeah!" Steven agrees, "let's have fun!"

"That's the spirit!" Amethyst grins, "Now, who wants to destroy something?"

* * *

"Now _this_ definitely isn't reflective," Amethyst says, hands on hips, looking up at the pinata hanging from a tree just outside town.

"I really hope you're not going to include the blindfold in this," Connie admits.

"Nope, but maybe after a bit of practice, eh Peri?" Amethyst replies, putting an arm around Peridot, "now go for it, Peridactyl!"

Slightly confused as to why Amethyst keeps calling her that, Peridot summons and raises her weapon as the purple quartz resumes the chant of "PERI! PERI! PERI!", quickly joined by Steven and Connie. The first few shots fly past the paper donkey, but soon more and more begin to hit as Peridot picks up the pace. Eventually the rope breaks and it falls to the ground, splitting in half.

"Whoa, whoa, you can stop now!" Steven exclaims, grabbing Peridot by the shoulder to stop her from totally decemating the thing. The four friends stand still for a moment and watch the last few bullets wink out of existence.

"Not gonna lie, that was really cool," Connie admits.

"Yeah, you did great!" Steven adds as they sit down to dig into the pinata's contents.

"Hey, P-Dot, I thought you couldn't shapeshift," Amethyst points out, "how are you eating?"

"Oh, I simply reformed with a digestive system. Genius, I know."

"So how come I've never seen you eat before?" Steven asks.

"I haven't had a reason to."

"Bruh, you don't _need_ a reason," Amethyst says, shoving a handful of sweets into her mouth with the wrappers still on.

"Hey, look at this!" Steven exclaims, holding out a pink chew to Peridot. She takes it with her usual "wow, thanks," and holds it up to examine the perfectly centred bullet hole in it. Looking at it, she can't help thinking about the last thing she put a bullet hole in.

"I wonder what's keeping Lapis?"

* * *

Lapis has been trapped before. What's different about this time, she's decided, is that she is going to be the one to get herself out of it. She had hoped that Pearl would pursue the others and leave her alone, but she had annoyingly insisted on staying to 'look after her' while Bismuth and Garnet look for them. So for ten minutes Lapis has been lying on the sofa like Pearl told her to, pretending to be asleep, waiting for her to put down the book she's reading and walk away. Lapis' first few attempts to get up and leave just resulted in being pushed back down, and in all honesty she couldn't be bothered to fight back. Physical fighting isn't really her thing, and there isn't much water in the house. So she decided to try a new technique.

Finally - after fifteen minutes - she hears Pearl walk towards the kitchen. In one swift motion her wings sprout from her gem and give a powerful sweep, sending her straight over Pearl's head to the rafters. From above she watches Pearl spin round at the sound and look up at her.

"Lapis! What have I said about flying in the house?!"

All she gets in reply is a fart noise.

"Oh, really mature."

With her wings held out for balance, the blue gem strolls along the wooden beam to the windows above the kitchen. She reaches up to examine the handles. They aren't locked, but she has no idea how to open them. This might be a flaw in her plan.

* * *

Back on the edge of town, the pinata's innards have been entirely consumed.

"So what next?" Peridot asks eagerly, "what else is there to destroy?!"

She jumps to her feet, firing a shot into the air in excitement.

"It seems like that thing has infinite bullets," Connie observes. Peridot lowers the gun to inspect it again, unconcerned about the danger of peering straight down the barrel.

"Maybe it's like Opal's arrows," Steven suggests, "She doesn't have a quiver or anything, they just... appear."

He looks over at Amethyst, who continues, "yeah, it's like… 'We wanna shoot an arrow now,' and boom, there it is."

Peridot holds the weapon to her ear and shakes it, listening for anything inside, then holds it out to Amethyst.

"You try. See if anything happens."

"Huh?" Amethyst says, slightly taken aback. She's never heard of a gem using another's weapon before.

"If it doesn't work, we can assume that it is empty and me pulling the trigger is causing me to subconsciously summon the bullets," she explains.

Amethyst shrugs. "Alright, if you insist."

She stands up, takes the pistol from Peridot in both hands and points it at the ground a few feet away from them.

"Geez, Peri, how small are your fingers? Okay, here goes!"

She pulls the trigger, but nothing but a faint clicking noise comes from it. She takes one hand off and tries twice more, a lot less excited then she had been the first time.

"Theory confirmed!" Peridot shouts in jubilation, "only I can operate it!"

Amethyst peers down the barrel herself, not even bothering to take her finger off the trigger, knowing that it won't go off. In fact, she pulls the trigger with it pointed right at her face, just because she can. Then she pauses, an idea for another experiment forming in her mind.

"Hey guys," she says, "I know exactly what we're going to do next."


	4. Bullseye

"You want me to do WHAT?!"

"Shoot me in the face," Amethyst repeats, as if it's the obvious thing to do.

"But why?!" Steven asks, concerned, "are you okay? Do you have something you need to talk about?"

"No, no, I'm fine. This is just another experiment, bro. To see if it's a one-shot poof."

"But is it really necessary to test it on you?" Peridot questions.

"Would you rather wait 'till you're face to face with someone who's not quite so friendly? Come on, I won't be gone for more than a minute, I can reform just like _that."_ She snaps her fingers to emphasise her point. This is enough to convince Peridot, but the other two still aren't sure.

"Won't Pearl and Garnet notice if you reform?" Connie points out, "I don't think they'd be too happy about it."

"I can come back exactly the same. They won't suspect a thing."

Steven and Connie share concerned looks. This seems like a terrible idea.

"We'll take a vote," Peridot decides, "all in favour, raise your hands."

She and Amethyst raise their hands, whereas Steven and Connie keep them firmly by their sides. A draw. After a moment Peridot clears her throat.

"Can I just point out that Lapis would have voted in favour?"

Steven sighs.

"Yeah, she would have."

* * *

"I'm serious! Get down from there! You're going to aggravate your injury!"

Lapis puts one hand to her mouth to make another fart noise while jiggling the handle with the other. It doesn't help that moving her right arm too much makes the bullet hole twinge. Deciding to try a different strategy, she turns and walks back along the wooden beam.

"Alright, here goes nothing," she mutters to herself, turning to face the windows. It's a hairbrained plan, but she doesn't have many options at this point. She just hopes that the glass isn't too thick.

"What did you say?"

"Here goes nothing!"

Ignoring Pearl's confusion, she breaks into a run, quickly reaching the other end of the rafter and leaping off with a powerful wingbeat.

Pearl winces at the loud thud from above her, then looks up to see a frenzy of wildly flapping wings as a rather disoriented Lapis struggles to clamber back onto the rafter. She can't help letting out a snort of amusement at the bewildered look on her face.

"What're you laughing at?" Lapis asks, finally managing to climb up and sit on the beam.

"You looked like a bird that doesn't know what glass is."

Lapis rests her head on her left hand and her elbow on her knee, her usual apathetic demeanor returning.

"Bit rich coming from you," she comments.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Lapis raises one eyebrow. "Don't tell me no one's ever pointed it out."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your nose, Pearl. It looks like a beak."

Pearl blushes furiously at the comparison, but refuses to lose her composure.

"At least I don't break lighting fixtures with my huge wings that I insist on using indoors, despite the fact that we have a perfectly functional set of stairs!" She retorts. Lapis lifts her head from her hand.

"Yeah, but you _do_ squawk on for hours about the bloody light fixtures."

"Excuse me, I do not squawk!"

"Yeah, you really do. "

Pearl narrows her eyes at the gem perched above her.

"Why don't you come down here and say that to my face?"

"Won't make it any less true!"

Pearl purses her lips. She didn't want it to come to this again, especially not while Lapis' arm is injured, but the disobedient gem leaves her no choice.

"That's it, I'm getting the broom!" she announces, turning on her heel and walking over to the cupboard under the stairs. Lapis grits her teeth. She really hates that broom.

* * *

"Alright, I'm ready!" Amethyst says. A few metres away, Peridot draws her gun. Steven and Connie watch from a safe distance as the first shot sails over Amethyst's head and embeds itself in a nearby tree.

"Bit lower, Peri!"

Three more bullets thud into the bark. It's not that Peridot doesn't want to go through with the experiment, it just doesn't feel right shooting at one of her best friends.

"I think my emotional attachment to you is causing me to subconsciously throw off my aim!" She explains.

"Aww," Steven says quietly.

Amethyst thinks for a moment. If Peridot is missing because she likes her too much, then Amethyst will just need to give her a reason to hate her. She cups her hands around her mouth.

"CAMP PINING HEARTS IS THE WORST TV SHOW EVER!" She yells.

Steven and Connie wince as a single, precise shot explodes from the pistol and knocks Amethyst off her feet. Peridot slowly lowers her weapon.

"Bullseye," she says as she, Steven and Connie look down at the purple gemstone lying in the grass. No one insults CPH and gets away with it.


	5. Transactions are Confusing

"She's coming back!" Steven announces excitedly as the gem floats out of his hands. He, Connie and Peridot watch, sitting on the grass, as a bright light blooms from it and forms into Amethyst, who drops to the ground.

"Sorry I took so long, guys. It wasn't easy to get this tear the exact same," she apologises, indicating to the bottom of her top.

"It was only about ten minutes," Connie points out, remembering Steven telling her about Pearl taking two weeks.

"That's a long time for Amethyst," Steven explains.

Peridot glances at Amethyst and then down at her boots, thinking about how angrily she had fired that shot. It wasn't necessary. She shouldn't have felt so good about poofing her friend.

"You alright, Peri?" Amethyst says, seeing her expression.

"Yes. I'm fine," Peridot says shortly, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, except that I could eat a horse," Amethyst answers. Peridot gets to her feet.

"I can go and get some food," she offers, thinking it will make her feel better, "what do you want?"

After everyone has told Peridot what they would like, she sets off towards The Big Doughnut. She plans to get something extra for Lapis as well, for when she eventually rejoins the group.

* * *

"This is your last warning," Pearl says, gripping the broom like she would her spear, "just come down from there."

"Make me," Lapis replies, crouched on the rafter, wings raised and ready. For a moment they stare at each other, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

Suddenly Pearl lunges at Lapis with the broom, who skips backwards just in time and takes off. She lands further along the rafter at a junction between two beams, giving her plenty of options to escape Pearl's next jab at her. Narrowly avoiding the plastic bristles again, she runs lightly along the wood towards the warp pad, thinking she can warp to the crater where the barn used to be and fly back over to town. But her plans are thwarted by a holo-pearl jumping up and landing in front of her.

Stopping short, she instinctively reaches for her training sword before realising that she left it stuck in the cliff outside. Kicking herself, she turns to see Pearl approaching looking very pleased with herself, still holding the broom. Lapis leaps to the beam parallel to the one she was on, but her progress along it is slowed when she has to step around the rope tying the rafter to the ones on the ceiling. This gives the hologram plenty of time to block her off there too, forcing her to run back to where she started, dodging Pearl's broom as she goes. As the bristles almost knock her foot out from under her, she makes a mental note to never compare Pearl to a bird again.

On the floor, Pearl sees Lapis pause at a junction between the beams to work out her next move. While the blue gem's back is towards the door, Pearl takes her chance and backs off towards the foot of the stairs. Raising the broom over her shoulder, she takes aim and throws it into the air.

Lapis feels the broom head slam into the back of her knees and stumbles forward, right over the edge of the rafter. She uses her wings to slow her descent, landing in the kitchen. Just a few steps from the sink. She hears Pearl's running feet behind her - she's realised her mistake. Taking her chance Lapis lunges forwards, grabs both taps and yanks them forward. Pearl can only watch as the hydrokinetic gem drags a watery chain from the sink, a smile on her face.

* * *

After an unsuccessful search of the town, Garnet returns to find the door ajar. Large pools of water cover the floor. Pearl is sitting on the sofa, soaked through, staring at the floorboards with her hands on her forehead.

"Steven needs to stop picking up these stray gems," she mumbles, not looking up.

Garnet briefly adjusts her visor before replying.

"He will never stop."

* * *

Peridot has never been to a shop on her own before, let alone bought anything herself, but she's seen it done enough times and figures that she can handle it.

"Well hello there," former mayor Dewey greets her, "you're one of the Universe boy's… friends. Right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, what can I get you?"

The small gem places her order, which doesn't take long to prepare and hand over. She pauses for a moment before turning to leave.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

She turns back around, narrowing her eyes. She had felt like she was forgetting something just now, but couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"Am I?" she asks, confused.

"Yes. That'll cost six dollars."

Peridot pauses again, until she remembers what 'dollars' are.

"I don't have any money," she tells him, and once again turns to leave.

"Hey, hey, you can't just take that for free!"

Peridot turns for the last time.

"Why not? I'm a Crystal Gem," she says, pointing to the star on her chest, "I protect your planet and your species on a daily basis! You owe me!"

Dewwy raises his eyebrows.

"Look kid, I don't know what you think you're talking about, but you need to either pay for that or give it back."

Peridot takes a step back, slightly unsettled by his tone.

"I'm warning you," he continues, "I'll- Why is your head glowing?!"

Peridot raises her free hand to her gem, unaware up to this point that it's started to emit a faint light. As soon as she touches it, she feels the now familiar handle of her gun and once again instinctively grips it, pulling it out in plain view of the alarmed man. Seeing his expression, she begins to explain:

"It's just my gem weapon, it materialised reflexively."

"Hey, I don't want any trouble!" Dewy says, slightly panicked, "I'd appreciate it if you just put those donuts on the counter and left."

"Because of this?" she asks, holding up her pistol to show him, "don't worry, I've never shot a _human."_

Dewey wipes the sweat off his forehead.

"I- I'm going to call the police if you don't leave right now!"

Peridot lowers her hand.

"The what?"

* * *

 **Author's Note: I have put a few doodles I did whilst writing on my deviantart (link in bio). At some point I might do some more high-effort illustrations. Or not, I don't know at this point. Thanks for reading!**


	6. This Complicates Things

**Author's note: I am English. I know next to nothing about gun laws or how the police operate in America. I barely know how they operate in England. I'm just going to write what I think works and is (hopefully) funny.**

* * *

"Peri's been gone for a while now," Connie points out, a little worried.

"I don't think she's gone to a shop on her own before," Steven says.

"I'm sure she's fine," Amethyst tries to reassure them, despite being a bit concerned herself.

However, their attention is soon drawn away from Peridot as Lapis lands in their midst.

"Hey, sorry I took so long," she says, retracting her wings, "Pearl was being a real pain."

"Did she use the broom again?" Amethyst asks.

"Yeah, right in the back of the knees… Hey, where's 'Dot?"

"Oh, she went to get doughnuts," Steven explains, "she's been gone for kind of a while though."

"Alright. One of you gave her some cash, right?"

Steven eyes go very wide.

"I thought she had some!" he exclaims, "she had some yesterday, she was trading all her notes for coins with me!"

"Yeah, so she could hang them from the ceiling with a bunch of cutlery as a meepmorp about learning to use her powers. She doesn't understand money yet!"

"I thought she just prefered metal currency because of her powers!" Steven says, panicked.

"Everyone was accusing me of eating that cutlery," Amethyst mutters.

"So none of you gave her money?!" Lapis asks, putting a hand to her head, "she's going to end up shoplifting without even realising it! Oh stars, and she's got a bloody gun!"

Connie gets to her feet, looking very worried.

"I think we should go look for her," she suggests.

"You _think?!"_ Lapis retorts.

* * *

Peridot, who has been waiting at the doughnut shop to find out what a 'police' is, is rather disappointed to discover that it's just a variety of human.

"Alright kid, put the gun down," the man says.

The gem is rather taken aback, both by being called a child and being ordered to give up her weapon by a total stranger.

"Firstly, I'm not a 'kid', and secondly, I can just dissipate this."

The policeman is surprised, to say the least, as the pistol disappears in a flash of white light, but as far as he knows she's still armed.

"I said put it down. No funny business."

"Funny business? What are you talking about? Why are you demanding that I give up my gun?" she asks, confused and a little angry.

"Because we don't want anyone to get hurt."

"No one will get hurt, I've been practicing all day," Peridot says confidently. However, this doesn't seem to reassure him. In fact it has the opposite effect.

"Please, just put it down."

Eventually she gives in, but only because she knows she can dissipate it if this stranger tries to steal it. The man is once again surprised to see her draw the gun from her head and lay it on the floor.

"Alright, where did you get this?"

"It's my gem weapon," she says, pointing to her forehead.

"So you're saying this is yours?"

"Yes."

"Is it a toy?" He asks, looking down at the star emblazoned on the side.

"No!" She says, greatly offended, "Look, I'll show you!"

The officer tries to stop her from picking up the weapon, but it disappears again only to reappear from her head. Dropping the bag of doughnuts to grip her gun with two hands, she aims at the nearest vending machine and shoots out the glass.

"See? Not a toy."

She turns proudly to face the two men, but her expression shifts to more confused when she sees the shock and anger on their faces.

"Alright, you're going to have to come with me now," the policeman says as calmly as possible.

"...Come where?"

* * *

Pearl has only just finished clearing up after Lapis' exit when she experiences the strange sensation of a phone ringing inside her head. She quickly summons it from her gem and answers the call.

"Is this Pearl?" The caller asks.

"Yes. What is this concerning?"

"This is the Beach City Police Department. We've picked up your child, Perry. She was causing trouble in a local shop with a firearm that she claims to own, resisted arrest, claims to be three thousand six hundred and twelve years old, and gave us a very odd full name that we suspect is fake."

Pearl says nothing for a moment, holding one hand to her head. Of course she got herself arrested. Of course.


	7. Flawed Plans

**Author's Note: to avoid confusion, I want to clearly say that I'm writing this with my headcannon Peridot reform in mind. I didn't want to slow down the story describing it now, so you can see it on the cover for this story or my deviantart.**

 **Sorry for the wait, writer's block has been an issue but I'm determined to finish this thing so hopefully I'll be able to get more chapters out soon.**

* * *

Peridot has had some… confusing encounters with humans before, and she's been mistaken for a child many times. But this has to be the most baffling situation so far. Apparently, this 'police' kind of human has the authority to 'arrest' her for simply demonstrating her gem weapon's power. They had been incredibly rude about it, too: using crude metal restraints, confiscating her gun (although it was easily retrieved through dissipation once their backs were turned), refusing to take down the first two digits of her age, and not acknowledging that Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG is a real name. And now she's been locked in a small room to wait, unsure what she's meant to be waiting for.

But Peridot has no intention of just sitting around here. She witnessed the Crystal Gems escape from imprisonment on the hand ship in the past, and now that she's one of them she figures that she ought to try and stage her own escape.

Her first idea is to use the arm of her glasses as a lock pick. She doesn't know much about picking locks, but has heard that it usually involves a thin piece of metal and reckons that the hard light frame will do the trick. However, she encounters a flaw in the plan when she realises that there's no lock on this side of the door. Refusing to give up on the tactic, she opts instead to shove the glasses' frame into the crack between the door and its frame, squinting as she jiggles it around with no real clue about what she's supposed to do with it. Eventually giving up on this, she throws the glasses to the floor in frustration, immediately regretting it when she hears the smash as they hit the ground. As she stoops to pick them up, she sees a wink of white light as one lens dissipates completely. The other, whilst still in the frame, now has several cracks in the surface. She concludes that this was a terrible idea and she should never again consider any plan involving using her glasses for anything other than correcting her vision.

Not quite ready to give up on the lock, she begins to formulate a second plan. The gem places her hands on the surface of the door, trying to feel out the metal components of the lock with her powers, randomly flicking around the small pieces that she manages to grip. But her pure lack of understanding of the lock's inner workings puts her at a disadvantage, and eventually she has to admit that she has no idea how to open it. Not wanting to destroy her glasses completely, this time she opts instead to throw one of her boots across the room in frustration.

"Muddy clods, can't cope with a simple gem weapon," she mutters as she makes her way over to retrieve it, not wanting to risk it dissipating. Although she has been finding that the homeworld resource shortage hasn't affected her as much as she first thought, shapeshifting is still way out of her league and as a result even fixing a rip in her clothing is near impossible. Last time she lost a shoe she had to wear one of Steven's for a week until her boot reformed of its own accord. She rubs her eyes, dreading how long she'll have to wait for her glasses to fix themselves.

Deciding to avoid using her gun in order to prevent getting into more trouble, she sits straining her brain for other solutions. None present themselves.

Throwing herself onto her back in frustration, she figures that maybe she should take a break from escaping. After all, the first Crystal Gem jailbreak was conducted as a team. She has no doubt that they'll figure out where she is and come to assist her.

* * *

"Maybe they'll think it's not real?" Steven suggests desperately, sweating heavily as he, Connie and Amethyst half-walk, half-run through town, trying not to panic, "people have mistaken her for a kid before, they could easily think it's a toy."

"Yeah, but she'll probably tell them it's not. She's proud of it," Amethyst points out.

"Hey, I think I see Lapis coming back this way!" Connie announces as the blue gem flies into view, having gone on ahead after becoming impatient with everyone else's speed.

"Has she got Peri with her?" Steven asks, squinting upwards.

"I don't think so," Amethyst answers.

Soon enough, Lapis once again lands alongside them.

"Guess," she says, exasperated, "guess what she's gotten herself into now!"

* * *

"Alright," Steven says to the small group gathered outside the police station, "anyone got any ideas?"

"Maybe we should just wait for Pearl or Garnet to sort it out," Connie suggests, "actually trying to break her out would be against the law."

"Alright, anyone got any _non_ -boring ideas?" Amethyst asks.

Lapis raises a hand. Amethyst gives her a knowing look.

"Any ideas that don't involve drowning several people?"

Lapis glares at her, slowly lowering her hand. After a few moments of thought, Amethyst speaks again.

"How about I shapeshift into a stick of dynamite?!"

At first no one responds, sharing uncertain glances. Could that work? After a minute Steven breaks the silence.

"Any ideas that don't involve Amethyst potentially shattering herself?"

"Steven, half the things I do on a daily basis involve potentially shattering myself."

"How about we take a vote?" Connie cuts in. "All in favour of Amethyst _not_ blowing up?"

She and Steven raise their hands, silently begging Lapis to copy them. She sighs and joins them.

"Sorry, mate," she says, seeing the look of utter betrayal on Amethyst's face, "either it'll kill you or Pearl will kill you."

* * *

Pearl's mind is racing as she stands in the police station, waiting for the man to come back with Peridot's case notes. How can she explain this? Would they believe that Peridot is just a confused alien? She doubts it. Finally, the man comes back to the desk.

"Pearl, yes? I'm sorry, but the kid wasn't making a lot of sense when she explained how you're related. She said she doesn't have parents, so I assume you're some other relation, or a guardian?"

"I- I am her guardian, yes," Pearl says, deciding to play along. Maybe she can get Peridot out of this if they think she's a troubled child. "We… adopted her a couple years back."

"So when she was ten? We assumed she's twelve, although she claimed to be three thousand six hundred years older than that."

"Yes, how… ridiculous. She is twelve, yes."

Perhaps if the truth wasn't so odd, the man would have seen through Pearl's terrible lying. But as it is, it's much easier to believe her. So he proceeds to ask for the girl's full name.

"Oh, it's- uh- Peridot…"

"Perry Dot?"

"Uh... yes? Yes. Spelt P-e-r-i."

The man tries to keep a straight face as he writes this down. This is certainly a very strange woman, but he was expecting this; 'Peri' is a very strange kid.

"Alright. We want to talk to her about what she did and why she did it."

"Ok," Pearl says nervously. She's just about managing to play along; getting Peridot to do the same might be difficult.


End file.
